Not Another Harry Potter Parody!
by bluirinka
Summary: Craaazy stuff happens at Hogwarts. In all honesty, I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this but I hope it's at least MILDLY entertaining. Kept me awake during work, though. If you die from The Stupid after reading, please don't sue me. Review!


A/N – Okay. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAKES LITTLE TO NO SENSE.

This is what happens when I get bored. You have been warned.

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NOT ANOTHER HARRY POTTER PARODY

It was another fine, fine day at Hogwarts, with The Trio That Everything Happens To sitting at the Gryffindor table enjoying a scrumptious, slave-made meal. Hermione Granger, a petite young girl with a cranium larger than the ass of a certain Latino "actress"/"singer"/"professional celebrity marrier", which was crowned with a large pile of what looked, at first, like string left out in a storm, but upon further examination turned out to be her hair. She sat around, idly absorbing all surrounding information through osmosis so that she could continue being The Smartest Girl Ever, until she noticed that one of her best friends was not doing all he could to make himself a better person.

"Harry!" Hermione said crossly. "If you don't stop pushing your food around your plate, Professor Sinistra will be forced to nurse you again."

Harry cringed. The memory of being attached to the end of his Astronomy professor's teat was not something he wanted to relive. "Alright, alright," he said grudgingly, and forced some token traditional British food down his throat.

"That's the spirit!" said the weird guy on the boardwalk from Rocket Power, before walking out of the Great Hall.

"That was a really stupid reference," Hermione addressed the sky, where no doubt the omnipotent author of this story, Renee, lurked. "No one actually _watches _Rocket Power."

A lightning bolt flashed and hit the seat next to Hermione, which, up until that moment, contained a Gryffindor first year unworthy of a name.

Ron Weasley appeared and seated himself in the now-vacant spot on the bench. "I like these benches," he mused aloud. "I can push up on Hermione without needing an excuse."

"Why, Ron," said Hermione, surprised. "You…want to be close to me?"

"What? No. I just figured you'd be one of those, DON'T INVADE MY PERSONAL SPACE! people, and that it would annoy you," said Ron. "Why would I do anything except to annoy you, Hermione?"

"I would be really annoyed if you unbuttoned my shirt and – "

"Hermione!" said Harry, shoving both fingers in his hears. "Ew! Don't talk about your girly parts!"

"I like bananas," Ron said grumpily to no one in particular.

"Really? Then you should _spell _it," Hermione said encouragingly.

"Let me hear you say, This shit is _bananas_!" said Harry with emphasis.

"B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Ron said triumphantly, his face shining with the sweat of effort that goes into correctly spelling fruit.

"I love that song," Neville said dreamily. "Do you think…do you think that the producers were sitting around and then one of the them just said, 'Hey, she's talking about bananas…why doesn't she SPELL it! Oh man, what an idea!'" Neville shook his head in awe. "And that's how that genius song was manifested."

"Neville, you've gone way too long without doing something stupid and/or ridiculously altruistic," Hermione charged.

"Hmm," said Neville. "Hold on…I think the author realizes this and is going to rectify it," he said, watching as a gigantic knight galloped towards the Gryffindor table with a spear pointing forwards.

"_Neville_, stop stealing my vocabulary," said Hermione.

"Just a sec," he said. The knight was galloping right up to Harry.

"EAT COLD STEEL, POTTER!" he screamed.

"Damn," said Dean Thomas, impressed.

Neville flung himself out to bodily protect Harry. "Not while I'm here!" he cried out, his voice shaking.

The spear pierced Neville's fleshy stomach.

"Aw, damnit," said the knight. "Voldemort's going to kill me." He dismounted his horse and lead it away, head bowed in shame.

Neville pulled the spear out. "Knew there was a reason for this jelly," he said, patting his punctured but quickly recovering stomach and dug into his traditional British dish of the day.

"How come Neville didn't die?" asked Ron, blinking.

"It has to do with a prophecy made at the time of Neville's birth," said Hermione.

"No, Dumbledore says that that's about me, so there's no possible way for it to be anyone else, since I'm the protagonist," said Harry.

"I'm talking about a different prophecy," said Hermione. "Neville has a mutation that causes his immune system to work a hundred times faster than normal. This is so that he can bodily defend Harry from any harm and still live."

"Hermione, that's from X-Men," said Ron crossly.

"Ron, you can't know about Muggle comic books," Hermione said, danger in her voice.

Ron sank down into his…bench. "I hate crossover," he said.

"Then why didn't I just get a super-fast immune system?" said Harry.

"Don't question the author," Hermione said with an edge to her voice.

That's right…I've trained her well.  
"God, woman, must you be so frigid?" said Ron, slamming his fist onto the table.

"Oh please, Ron," said Hermione, "You think I'm frigid? You're a freakin _eunuch!_"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE THAT I WAS A EUNUCH!" Ron thundered, rising.

"I told _one person_, you just announced it to the whole of Hogwarts," said Hermione, closing her eyes and trying very hard to resist the urge to strangle him. "And besides, it's kind of obvious. When you're a teenage boy and have refused all of my advances? There had to be _some _explanation for your lack of hormones."

"But this is a magical world, Ron," said Harry. "Why not just fix the problem?"

"Oh, yeah, Harry," said Ron sarcastically. "Imagine me going up to Snape – 'Oi, Snape, is there any special brew you can make me so I can grow functioning genitals?'"

"Actually, yes, Weasley," said Snape, who was conveniently passing, as most characters in this story tend to do. "But since I hate you, I would probably give you very abnormally small ones."

"Well, since I'm the only one who will be laying claim to them later, I must say that I would prefer small genitals on my man to none at all," said Hermione thoughtfully.

"So be it," said Snape, swooping away, licking his palms and running them through his hair.

"That wasn't odd," Harry announced.

On his way out of the Great Hall, Snape passed Cho Chang, who stopped at the entrance to the Great Hall.

Immediately all activity in the Great Hall ceased, as everyone turned to watch Cho.

Cho stood there, looking around, trying very hard not to cry. After what seemed like an eternity, she moved once more in the direction of the Ravenclaw table. All conversations in the Great Hall resumed.

"You know, Cho's looking very pretty," said Harry.

"She's the hottest girl in school," said Ron, nodding.

"Excuse me?" Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"There, there, Hermione," said Ron consolingly, "It's not _your _fault you look like a walrus."

"I do not look like a walrus," Hermione said indignantly.

"Well, be that as it may, you're no Asian porn star like Chang over there," said Ron, nodding towards the Ravenclaw table.

"Ron! How could you be so offensive!" said Hermione, thunderstruck.

"I wish I were thunderstruck instead of lightningstruck," said Anonymous Gryffindor First Year from where he was on the floor.

"Oh, but my hair makes me look as good as lightningstruck," said Hermione comfortingly.

"Lightningstruck isn't a word," said Harry helpfully. "But irregardless – "

"Oh, and you lecture ME on making up words?" said Hermione.

"- I have a plan on how to make Cho like me," Harry continued. "I'm going to give her this letter."

"Harry, are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Hermione, biting her lip.

"I like it when you bite your lip like that," said Ron.

"I like it when _you _bite my lip like that," Hermione purred.

"Shit!" said Dean Thomas from where he was sitting nearby with Seamus Finnigan, who was inspecting what looked suspiciously like a magical vibrator.

"This is better than dead baby jokes," said Harry, inspecting the vibrator as Hermione climbed into Ron's lap.

"Harry!" she said, aghast. "How can you think dead baby jokes are funny?"

"Well, not all of them," he said. "But the ones where the babies have cancer are the best."

"Harry! How can you laugh at the idea of dead babies?"

"And with_ cancer_, nonetheless," Ron added.

Hermione turned to regard him. "No, 'nonetheless' doesn't fit there."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't. It makes no sense in that context. You're looking for another word."

"Maybe nevertheless?" suggested Lavender Brown.

"No," said Hermione.

"It's nonetheless," Ron insisted.

"No, it's more like, _what's more_. Or, _on top of that_. But something else."

"At that?" said Lavender, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Maybe…kind of…" said Hermione, trailing off into thought.

"OH! I know!" said Ron.

Hermione and Lavender turned to him expectantly.

"_Nonetheless_," he said.

Hermione swatted at him. "NO IT'S NOT!"

"To boot?" said Lavender, conscious of the fact that this may very well be the only time she would get mentioned.

"OH, I GOT IT! _NO LESS_!" Hermione said gleefully. "You meant to say, 'And with _cancer_, no less,'" she said proudly.

"I really hate you," said Ron. "But I also really want you to have my babies. Is that normal?"

"It'll do."

Harry, who had gone conveniently deaf for the entire time that scene took place, merely answered Hermione's original question. "It's a plan that can't fail." He stood. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

He marched over to the Ravenclaw table, right up to Cho Chang. "Cho? I have something for you." And thrust the letter at her.

Cho burst into tears. "Oh, _Harry_!" she said, opening the letter, on which was written.

DO YOU LIKE ME? CHECK ONE:

YES NO

Cho looked up at him, her face streaked with tears. "Do you…do you have a quill?"

Harry procured a spare quill from some orifice or other.

"Thanks," she hiccupped. She hid the paper as she wrote on it, then tragically handed it back to Harry.

It now read:

DO YOU LIKE ME? CHECK ONE:

YES NO _MAYBE_ X

"Curse you girls and your inability to do anything involving a decision!" Harry fumed, and stalked back to the Gryffindor table.

"Well, that worked," said Ron.

"Shut up, Mr. No-Genitals."

"Whatever, pervert."

"On what grounds am I a pervert?" asked Harry.

"Well, there will be a time when Ron's hormones return and he and I will kiss," said Hermione logically. "And in order for the readers to see this, you will have to witness it, since this story is from your point of view. Except for when it's from the point of view of a random Muggle named Frank Bryce who dies unnecessarily and sadly in chapter 1 of book 4. So that means that you will be watching us do naughty things, making you a pervert."

"I…I _am _a pervert!" Harry cried, torn with anguish.

"That is WACK!" said Dean Thomas.

Harry ran out of the Great Hall, bumping into a ghost on his way to Gryffindor Tower, too upset to notice that the ghost in question was solid.

He threw himself onto a couch in the common room that was mercifully devoid of human flesh.

"It's okay, Harry," said Hermione. "Ron and I talked about it, and we decided that since we're both kind of exhibitionists, we won't mind you watching when it finally happens."

Harry looked up. "How'd you get here?"

"We're surgically attached to you," said Ron. "It's not like we had a choice. I do wish you would have waited for me to finish that traditional British dish though."

"Sorry," Harry said guiltily.

"Stop it, Harry," said Hermione sternly, "You know you're not allowed to think of anyone but yourself."

"You know what we should do?" said Ron all of a sudden, fit to burst with excitement…and perhaps something else, as Hermione was standing nearby. "We should make a movie based on a _comic book! _I just think that'd be so original, you know? To take a comic book? And make it into a movie? I don't think we have enough movies based on comic books nowadays. You can never have enough movies based on comic books."

"Alright," said Harry, considering the idea. "What comic book should it be based on?"

"Spiderman!" called out Emma Dobbs.

Ron turned to angrily address the author. "Who the hell is Emma Dobbs?"

"She was Sorted into Hufflepuff in the fourth book and will never get mentioned ever again," Hermione supplied automatically.

"That's not true!" cried Kevin Whitby. "It's J.K. Rowling…I bet that in Book 7 Emma Dobbs ends up being the single thing that saves all of wizarding humanity."

"'Wizarding humanity?'" Harry guffawed, something that usually only Malfoy and Ron do. "Who talks like that?"

"Someone who was mentioned once in the fourth book and will never be mentioned again," said Ron meaningfully to Whitby, Kevin ("HUFFLEPUFF!"), who immediately blushed crimson, hung his head in shame, and dived headfirst into his bowl of Fruit Loops, even though it wasn't breakfast and they weren't in the Great Hall and it's very questionable as to why Kevin Whitby and Emma Dobbs were even in the Common Room to begin with, seeing as how they're not Gryffindors.

"Hey, that's true," said Kevin Whitby. "We _aren't ­_– "

Kevin and Emma disappeared in a poof of Aristotelian logic.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that I invented logic," said Hermione.

"What's scary is that I believe her," said Ron.

"But I'm allowed to be here, right?" asked Natalie McDonald, who had indeed been sorted into Gryffindor and was the subject of countless idiotic fics wherein Hermione would tutor her and be accused of plagiarism and subsequently expelled.

Just then, Natalie was run over by a passing tractor trailer.

"Apparently not," Hermione sniffed.

"So…" said Harry. "What were we talking about before that Random Tangent attacked?"

Ron frowned. "What's a tangent?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," said Harry, "Wizard kids don't go to school; apparently all they need in life is magic. I mean, what's the point of math, really."

Hermione fell onto the ground, flopping like a fish and frothing at the mouth. "How…could…you…insult…an area…of learning…" she gasped out, clawing at her own throat.

"She's right, Harry," said Ron. "I mean, President George W. Bush once said, 'Mathematics are the fundamentaries of educationalizing our children.'"

"He could do with a bit of English, too," said Orla Quirke.

"ENOUGH RANDOM THIRD YEARS THAT AREN'T EVEN IN THIS HOUSE!" Harry roared.

Just then, he was run over by a passing tractor trailer.

"What?" Ron shouted. "Harry doesn't die!" he said loudly.

"_Honestly_, Renee," Hermione clicked her tongue, having recovered from her apopleptic seizure. "If he dies, it'd be by Voldemort's hand."

Oh _yeah_, Hermione? Well what if Voldemort _sent _the tractor trailer, huh? Ever think of that?

Hermione ignored my weird address and took out her wand. "Reversio!" she said, swirling the wand around in a circle.

The tractor trailer immediately retreated, Harry stood up in reverse and stared at them impassively. "What?" he demanded.

"Well I only just brought you back to _life_," Hermione snapped.

"Well what if I _wanted _to be dead?" said Harry aggressively. "You know I'm all suicidal and (_word that makes Hermione say "RON!" (and not in a naughty way) even though it was Harry speaking_) in Book 5."

"He cuts himself," said Ron knowledgeably.

Harry wheeled around. "How did you know that?"

"I spy on you when you're in the bathroom," said Ron promptly.

"Oh," said Harry satisfied. "So…comic book movies?"

"RIGHT!" said Ron, pumping his fist in the air.

"Please never do that again," said Hermione. "And now, before another Random Tangent Attack, what comic book would you base it on?"

"Hmm…how about Spiderman?" Ron asked excitedly, recalling Emma Dobbs' suggestion.

"Done."

"Batman?"  
"Same."

"Superman."

"No."

"Garfield?" said Ron, now looking confused.

"Garfield," Harry nodded in confirmation.

"…X-Men?" Ron was running out of ideas.

"Mmhmm," said Hermione.

"…Fantastic…Four?" Ron looked about to cry.

"In theaters now," Harry supplied unhelpfully.

"Dilbert?"

"Ye-wait. No. There hasn't been a Dilbert movie," said Harry, amazed.

"Dilbert is hardly a comic book," said Hermione, but Ron ignored her.

"Wonderful! We'll do a movie on Dilbert!"

"Oh, excellent idea," Hermione sneered, "A movie based on people who work in cubicles. I can just imagine the action scenes and special effects and evil villains."

------------------------------------

"Hey Dilbert. Our manager is stupid, and has a bad hair stylist."

"I know," said Dilbert, his tie curling upwards in boredom. "But – "

Just then, a small man burst through the nonexistent cubicle door. "DEAR JESUS GOD!" he choked out. "There's been…an attack…"

"What?" exclaimed Dilbert, his tie curling upwards in anguish.

"IT'S…THE WATER COOLER!" said Anonymous Employee, whose eyes rolled back into his head in a totally unnatural, non Mad-Eye Moody way.

"Hey!" said Dilbert, his tie curling upwards in anger. "No crossover!"

_Sorry_, Renee apologized.

Suddenly, Dilbert realized what Anonymous Employee's dying words actually meant. "NO…THE WATER COOLER!" he jumped up, his tie curling upwards in righteousness. "This cannot go on. It's time to fight fire with fire."

"Don't you mean water?"

"SHUT UP," Dilbert thundered. He turned and said, "The time has come for us to right all the wrongs of corporations. It may take centuries…but I will devote my life to it."

"Hey Dilbert, check out this awesome porn clip," said a fat secretarial woman at the opening to his cube of sad, sad, sadness.

"Ooh, show me," said Dilbert, completely forgetting his vow..

----------------------------------------

"Hermione," Ron said, looking sick, "That was the weirdest thing ever. I kind of never want to read a comic book again…and also vomit."

Hermione looked mildly surprised. "Oh? Any weirder than a wizard child having an extensive knowledge of Muggle comic books?"

Ron stared for a moment. "Point taken…wait, I know! Oi, Dean, tell Hermione that you showed me some Muggle comic books, to shut her up."

Dean froze. "Er…what?"

"Seeing as how you're the only Muggle-raised person around that didn't have a deprived childhood," said Ron impatiently, jerking his thumb at Harry.

"But…but Ron…" Dean stammered.

"But Ron _what_?"

"I'm just the token black kid," said Dean. "I'm only allowed to say 'Damn!', 'Shit!' and 'That is WACK!'"

"And _screw around with my sister_," Ron growled.

"Ron, you do realize how weird it is for you to want Ginny to get it on with Harry, don't you?" asked Hermione.

"What? Why?"

"You obviously have some closet fantasy about Harry, and since you can't do anything with him, want to live vicariously through your sister, who is the female version of you," said Hermione. Then she turned to Dean. "Dean, you can have a personality," she said soothingly. "In fact, you had one during Order of the Phoenix, and became lots of people's favorite new character for standing up and defending Harry all the time. In fact, you once had a subplot about your biological magical father disappearing, but JK Rowling scrapped it in order to make room for Neville's family history."

"I…I…really?" Dean chocked through a sob. "Oh…that is WACK!"

"Alright, so comic book movies are out," said Ron. "Then how about a movie based on a book, except we'll include lots of random stuff that has nothing to do with anything, and is never ever explained? And in the end, we'll all be saved by something that was never once discussed throughout the whole movie?"

"No, Ron, mate, that's _War of the Worlds_," said Dean, now that he had a personality.

"Oh yeah? Well – FOOTBALL IS STUPID!"

The common room collectively gasped. And then -

"OI!" said someone from behind them.

The Gryffindors turned and saw a large mass of burly, angry-looking men.

"Soccer hooligans?" Ron gulped.

"Say that again," growled what seemed to be their leader.

"UhIthinkI'mgonnago," said Ron, and sprinted out the portrait hole.

The soccer hooligans looked confused. "Well, now what are we supposed to do?" said one of them dejectedly.

"Hey, there's a whole country of people who don't care about football," said The New Dean Thomas. "It's called America."

"Right-o!" said the leader. "Off to the States!"

They stampeded out the portrait hole.

"Ooh, Dean, that was wonderful," said Hermione, clapping her hands in glee.

Dean stood and bowed. "I like the new me," he said bashfully.

"But you can still say 'That is WACK!' every once in a while," said Harry generously. The Boy Who Lived is always the soul of graciousness.

Hermione laid an egg.

Harry and Dean stared at her. "What just happened?"

"Oh, nothing, you know, just that time of the month," said Hermione, taking the egg out from under her and tossing it into the fire.

_Okay, I'm really sorry, but I just really wanted to see the sentence "Hermione laid an egg." in print out of nowhere. I couldn't help myself. I'm even giggling as I type this. Isn't that sad, I laugh at my own ridiculous writing --Nay._

"Aw, Hermione," said Harry, "We could have made an omelet."

"Or eggplant parmigiana!" Ron sputtered as he fell through the portrait hole, panting, which of course makes no sense, because this is a story written by Renee.

Hermione turned to look at Dean. "Well, Dean, now Ron's back…and…you know…three's a crowd," she finished, shrugging.

"Three's company too," Dean said defiantly.

"Besides, that doesn't even make sense," said John Ritter. "It would have made sense if there were _two _of you and you wanted Dean to leave."

Hermione looked at him dangerously. "Oh, don't you dare get into semantics with me," she said. "I might bring up the fact that _you're actually dead_."

John Ritter paled, took two steps backward, and then turned around and ran, crashing straight into the window.

"That's better," said Hermione with satisfaction.

"No, it's not," said Ron. "I'd much rather it were Suzanne Sommers."

"Ron, you can't know about Muggle television – " Hermione began.

"Dean?" Ron said loudly.

"I told him, Hermione," said Dean, grinning at the return of his personality.

Hermione clucked her tongue. "Ron, you drive me crazy…but…I love you anyway," she confessed.

Ron slunk over to where she was sitting and climbed on top of her. "And I love you," he growled.

"Oh, Rexy, you're so sexy," Hermione moaned.

"Say no more, _mon amour_," Ron groaned.

"Hello? I'd like to place an order for delivery?" Harry phoned.

"Here, take this Chocolate Frog card, Harry," Dean loaned.

"I'm wearing pants," Seamus intoned.

"STOP IT, I'm trying to get _BONED_," Hermione shrieked.

"Oh man…we got _pwned_," Dean snickered

Hermione turned back to Ron. "Oh, Ronald, when did you ever learn French?" she purred.

"Turd," muttered Dean.

"A bird!" said Seamus, pointing out the window.

"Word," Harry said wisely.

"ENOUGH! ARGH!" Hermione threw Ron off of her. "I'm going to go wait in bed," she said meaningfully to Ron. "_Your _bed!" And she dashed to the boys' dormitories.

They watched her go. Ron turned to his best friend.

"Harry?" said Ron.

"What is it, Ron?"

"Video killed the radio star," Ron said sadly.

Harry patted his back sympathetically. "I know, Ron…I know."

"Anyone up for a game of Who Did Parvati Sleep With Last Night?" Seamus piped up.

"Ooh, I love that game," said Harry excitedly.

"Okay, my turn first," said Seamus. "I say…_the Fat Friar!_"

"I'm going to go with _no_," said Harry. "The Fat Friar most probably took a vow of celibacy. And sex with a ghost can't be possible. But how about…Professor Flitwick!"

"Anatomically impossible," Dean said dismissively.

"I know! _A cactus_!" said Ron excitedly.

Harry, Dean and Seamus groaned. "Ron, you're missing the point of the game," said Seamus. "Parvati sleeps with anything remotely human, yes– but a cactus doesn't fit that bill."

"Yeah, well…I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME ASS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" said Ron, storming away to his dormitory.

"He hasn't got genitals yet, though," Dean frowned.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know what he's talking about, or what that has to do with anything," he said.

"God, go through puberty already," said Seamus. "You're worse than the time I caught McGonagall and Snape on one of the tables in the dungeons – "

"Caught them doing what?" Harry interrupted.

"Trust me, Harry," said Seamus. "You don't want the details of that one."

"Especially since McGonagall kept transforming into a cat at random intervals," added Dean.

Lavender Brown burst through the portrait hole. "HOGWARTS IS IN DANGER!"

"That's your cue, Harry," Seamus nodded at him.

Harry stood and put his hands on his hips. "HI-HO SILVER, AWAY!" With his hands still on his hips, he sprinted out the portrait hole, looking very much like a duck.

"I just hope he gets there in time," Lavender trembled.

Seamus and Dean exchanged knowing looks. "All right, how do we decide who gets to take advantage of Vulnerable Lavender?" asked Seamus.

"Shoot it out," Dean suggested.

Seamus, being only a half-Muggle and therefore possessing onlyhalf a Muggle brain, took this as a sign that he should pull out a gun and shoot Dean.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Neville, throwing himself in front of Dean, the bullet piercing the newly-healed flesh of his stomach and immediately repairing itself without so much as a cry of "_Reparo!_" from Hermione.

"Damn…that is WACK," said Dean.

"Who do you think you are, Neville?" asked Seamus as Neville hit the ground. "_Anakin Skywalker?"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Neville, fervently shaking his head.

"I mean, I know your parents were tortured too, but still. That's no excuse to yell the word 'No' for much too long a time. So, in conclusion, please refrain from saying NOOOOOOOO!"

"Excuse me," Lavender interrupted. "I'm still here."

"Right. Rock, paper, scissors, Seamus," Dean said, this time careful to specify.

"'Kay. Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" said Seamus, and threw a rock at Dean's head.

"God, you're dumb," said Dean just before he collapsed.

"N-!" Neville began.

"Neville," Seamus said warningly.

"Sorry, Seamus," said Neville, slinking away.

Seamus turned to Lavender. "Now, where were we?"

"You were going to comfort me," said Lavender pointedly.

"Right, right…While Potter's off saving the day, I get the girl," said Seamus, slipping an arm around Lavender and grinning.

"But I wonder how Harry's doing against the grave threat…" Lavender wondered how Harry's doing against the grave threat.

"We'll find out as soon as Renee posts the next chapter," said Seamus. "Quiet now…"

And somehow they managed to hook up in the middle of the crowded common room.

---------------------------

A/N – lol. I have NO IDEA where that came from. There is obviously something very, very wrong with me. But I have a lot more planned, from Pokemon to guest appearances from all your favorite celebrities to a Hogwarts drag fashion show. So stay tuned, if this was at all entertaining. Oh and also, whoever gets the reference to "Oh Rexy, you're so sexy"/"Say no more, _mon amour_," please leave where it's from in a review and you'll get a prize! I think I'll have a Guess Where This Reference Is From contest in every chapter, just to keep y'all interested :-D


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